The Company Hired You as the Accountant?

Phone reps all over the world, by a show of hands how many of you are truly surprised by the ignorance of accountants? Yeah, that's a lot of hands! It never ceases to amaze me the number of accountants that can't clear a simple credit card statement. Over the years on the phone when I knew the caller was an accountant the nerves in my stomach lining would start twitching. Not only did I understand this was going to be a difficult call but I also knew I would be having to deal with someone who would try to play the "I'm better than you" game.

Here's a typical call:

ACCT: "Hi, I'm looking at Mr. Smith's most recent bill and you guys haven't credited the account right."

ME: "How do you mean?"

ACCT: "Well, we sent in a $2500 payment last month but the balance doesn't reflect that."

ME: "Yes, the payment's there. It's showing on the statement you have. See? It says $2500 received, thank you."

ACCT: "Right, I see that but it's not subtracted from the balance. The balance is still showing $3950."

ME: "That's correct. That's Mr. Smith's new balance. The $2500 payment was subtracted from Mr. Smith's previous balance. The $3950 is his new balance."

ACCT: "I don't understand. Why wasn't the balance reduced by $2500?"

ME (sighing, looking toward Heaven): "Well, that's because you have to pay the oldest money on the account before you pay the new balance, right? You'll always pay the prior month's charges and zero out the bill. Understand now?"

ACCT: "Oh okay, I guess I'll have to go over this again and call you back. I still don't think you guys are crediting the account correctly but I'll go through it again and call back."

ME: "Something else you can do is add up all the charges, then subtract all the payments. That will get you the new balance."

ACCT: "Uh, we'll see. I'm the accountant and it just doesn't look right, the way you guys are doing this. 'Bye."

ME: Whatever!

One of my girlfriends shared a story about the accountant who would call each month and scream and holler about the payments being misapplied, lost etc. Of course she only did this when she had an audience (to impress whom? Her boss and co-workers?) One day it's my girl's turn to get "Hilda Hag". Hilda's huffing and puffing and bellowing like a cow stuck in a mud hole about how stupid my girl is etc. Girl proceeds to tell Hilda to quiet down and be professional. Hilda, now probably foaming at the mouth screams the words phone reps love to hear, "Get me your supervisor!" Yes!

My girl finds her supe who listens to Hilda for awhile, and after Hilda shuts her whale mouth to take a break the supe politely asks why the account's never paid on time. Now all this time Hilda's been on the speakerphone, letting everyone in the office hear her rant on the supe. Now that Supe's in her business telling the office Hilda's not paying the account correctly she's off the speakerphone as quickly as Oprah gains weight.

Supe continues to tell Hilda, politely of course, that because the account's not been paid and continues to age, charges will be stopped until the account's current. Whowhee! Hilda's pissed and scared because now she has to tell bossey that she's screwed up the account and it can't be used until it's paid. Wonder what's gonna happen to ole Hilda.

Oh the joy that floods my soul when I hear great stories like that. You loud mouth accountants want to call up and put us on blast that we're not applying payments and credits when you're not sending in the money to cover the balances. The moral of this story? If you're an accountant, learn how to balance a statement and pay the balances in full. Believe me, when your boss's account gets shut down for being past-due, we're not the ones losing our jobs. Ask big mouth Hilda.