Seriously, You're Really This Stupid?

Caller calls into the call center wanting to see if he's been billed for a charge. He has the charge receipt but the merchant's name is illegible because of a big oil/grease spot that's soaked the receipt. He wants us to give him the name of the merchant.

No problem, right? Wrong. The merchant's not sent us the charge yet so we know nothing. As far as we know the charge could have been made on any card. So we probe Jeb if he can remember making the purchase in that amount on that day. No and he demands to know the name of the merchant because now it's OUR fault the merchant's not sent the charge in.

We try to patiently explain that we can't see what we don't have but he's not listening and he's not comprehending what we're saying. I think we're using too many big words like "understand" "frustration" "time frame".

What we should have been saying is, "Listen Jeb, get your redneck out of those Wranglers and understand that we don't have the charge. Go back to the Walmart that you shop so frequently and see if they have it. Or better yet, take that receipt, fold it lengthwise and shove it up your a$$!"

To Jeb's dismay, we can't give him what he needs so he proceeds to threaten to not pay his full bill until we can tell him what the charge is! Are you really this stupid? What do you do at your company Jeb? VP? CEO? Gotta be 'cause we don't know anyone this stupid w/a job like ours.

Finally he escalates to our TL who uses her mute button to mimic him and make fun of him. I can just picture him turning all red in the face, veins protruding from his neck 'cause he's screaming into his cheap, Cricket phone and my supe's over there singing Country music.

He never did get the name of the merchant but we found out we all love Big & Rich!

Are Your Really This Stupid?

Customer calls in to the call center upset some merchants like hotels and gas stations get an approval for higher amounts that reduces the card's available balance. Mr. Moron, after hearing the explanation of what's causing the declines feels it's unfair and wants my company to lobby Congress to change that practice. He actually kept asking me, "Do you think it's fair?" "Don't you think they should change those laws?"

I had to tell him that I don't have any feeling one way or the other about that particular practice and if he feels so strongly about changing the practice, HE, not me, not my company, should start a grassroots campaign to change the law and to please, hurry and hang up my phone so that he can conserve all that hot air for some other person who has to listen to him.

Of course, not liking my answer he wanted a supervisor.

I transferred to my supervisor and guess what? My supe puts this clown on hold and calls to make a medical appointment. I about fell off my chair! Later, I asked her about the call and she said that idiot had reminded her she needed to schedule a PAP smear so while he was being a prick she put him on hold to take care of her business.

You losers!

Shut Your Big Mouth, Stupid!

Sorry about the lack of posts but it's harder now that I have a significant other and new job and I'm not tied to the phones. My girlfriends and I got together and of course we started sharing stories about our jobs. My friends who are still call center employees give me all this material. I've told them they should start their own because they're so much better at telling the stories than I.

Guy calls in on his corporate card because charges are being denied and he's pissed. After him screaming and demanding the card be opened, the rep escalates the call to her supervisor.

The supervisor's listening to Jim Dumbass rant on about how this has happened to him before by our company-cancelling the account without telling him. Well, the supe's looking at info that the guy's corp has cancelled the account but didn't tell him so when Dumbass finally winds down and gulps air down his fish mouth the supe says, "You know Mr. Dumbass, why don't we call your company to see if we can get to the bottom of this because if we've done this to you we sure want to get the card up and running as quickly as possible."

Dumbass isn't too sure of this and starts to argue that his company shouldn't get involved because it's our mistake not his company but the supe puts him on hold and calls the company. When the company account admin gets on the supe brings Dumbass on the line and starts explaining that Dumbass says the card shouldn't be cancelled.

The acct admin says, "Jim, the card is cancelled. When you retired we advised you that the card would be stopped."

Dumbass starts fumbling around like a worm and agrees, saying he "forgot" that was going to happen.

So, supe disconnects the call but Dumbass calls her back and starts in her for connecting him to his former company. Supe calmly tells Dumbass he's no longer an account holder, she doesn't have to take his abuse and hangs up on him!!

Way to go, Supe! So, for all you greedy, conniving, lying unhappy losers who try to bully and badger call center employees to get your way, don't count on it. Someone's got your number and it may just show up online.

Thursday Thirteen

THIRTEEN THINGS I'LL BE EATING THIS SUNDAY

1. Church's Chicken

2. Clam/mussel stew

3. Crusty bread

4. Sushi

5. Coronas

6. Lay's potato chips

7. Cottage cheese

8. Diet Coke

9. Tortilla chips

10. Salsa

11. Rice

12. Wasabi

13. Pickled Ginger

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

You Follow Your Head

You're rational, collected, and logical. Generally, it takes you quite a while to fall in love. In fact, you've even been accused of being very picky. While you're cool, you're not ice cold. You just know what you want, and don't mind waiting to get it.

Do You Follow Your Head or Your Heart?

Overworked and Underpaid

Finally, some time to myself. I have been gone for a long time and I know all of my readers (all three of you) have missed me. What with traveling, working and traveling, recuping from all that traveling and working, who has time to keep up with this hobby?

Let's see, what's happened since last we met? One thing is a promotion which is rubbing me in all the right places (wink). I have more responsibilities, get to travel some, and have one of the coolest bosses in the world. I got to call centers to do telephony kind of stuff. It's cool because most everyone at the call centers (phone reps, supervisors etc, the important people who actually know what's going on) think customers are the funniest, saddest, depressed, illiterate people they will ever encounter. I've got some great stories to share.

What else? Humm, my girl who was watching my apt and dog has kidnapped Beast and won't return him. She's had him for about three straight weeks and has now fallen head over heels for him. I hope she'll return him peacefully. I don't want to have to tazor her ass to get my dog back.

I am sooo sick of restaurant and fast food. I want some good old homecooking and I know I'll get it this Sunday at my girl's Super Bowl party. She's taken a sushi cooking course and will be making some for the party and other stuff. Hey, if she's cooking I'm happy. I just have to bring the Church's chicken and we're set.

I am now a pro at packing for extended trips but not wanting to have to lug two heavy suitcases up and around stairs or crossing my fingers that the airlines don't lose it. I bought some great pieces from Ann Taylor Loft and Coldwater Creek that mix and match and is made from material that doesn't wrinkle as bad. I should invest in Ziploc bags though because I go through them a lot what with taking food back from the restaurants or packing wet undies and stuff.

Everyone should start paying their bills online, especially if you do a lot of traveling. My corp card doesn't access a late fee until 60-days and it doesn't hit my CBR, but getting my card stopped in Atlanta is too embarrassing. I file my expenses and pay my bills all online. At first I was hesitant because of all the internet crime but I can't keep all these bills waiting for me to get home and I sure can't trust my family to have access to my bank accounts. Uh-oh. No. So everything is paid online, phone, electric etc.

Hotels are not safe places so make sure you choose ones in safer neighbourhoods. My company won't let us stay at the big places. The peons have to stay at the Marriotts or Doubletrees. I don't mind unless they're in drug infested areas or high crime areas.

Something else I do with my Ziplocs-I put my leftover breakfast and take it for snacks between meals or meetings. I'm not usually hungry in the mornings and most of the hotels I stayed had free continental breakfasts so I would take dry cereal, juices, and fruit w/me to eat later. Good idea!

Well that's it. I'll be back with more stories of goofy, unrealistic customers.

Be A Good Customer and Please Leave!

My friend tells me about some great sites that she reads (she needs a life, seriously) and sometimes I like them, most times I don't. She turned me onto this one who also works for the public and was doing a public service announcement to stupid customers everywhere on how and to whom to complain about service.

This guy Meloncutter says he works in produce at a supermarket and he tells the story about a customer who gets so upset about waiting in long lines at the supermarket that she goes upside some dude's head w/a bag of potatoes.

See? This crap is what I'm talking about. You stupid people complain and holler at everybody because your asses are late or tired or having bad days then think you can just treat employees any kind of way because you're the customer and you're always right. No! You don't have that right. You don't have the right to grab us, curse and scream obscenities at us just because you want to buy potatoes.

I hope that store worker files assault charges against that lady's sorry ass. That will teach each of you to watch how you're acting.

In my previous life on the phones I was glad my company didn't force us to listen to you idiots who wanted to spew garbage upon garbage at us. We were given the right to put your sorry, ignorant, in-bred asses on hold and find a supervisor who would hang up on you if you tried that crap with him or her.

I can't count the number of times my supervisor would hang up on you dummies. I remember times when one of you called and wanted to speak to her manager and you refused to hang up until you could speak to that manager. My supervisor would just ask for a number for her boss to call and if you didn't give her one she'd just hang up on you.

I remember another time her boss hung up on you because one of us called you by a Jewish name and you got all upset that you threatened to sue us for slander and making racist statements. Because someone called you by another name? How goofy are you people? No wonder America is losing its lead in the world, it's filled w/so many of the laziest, craziest idiots we can't help but lose our dominance.

I can't tell you the number of times you so-called business people would call and complain and get crazy because your company put limits on the account. So you're mad because your company won't let you buy that $12k bracelet and instead of you calling your company and complaining, you sit on your damed stupid ass and call us screaming 'til you're blue in the face, you putrid slices of rotten meat.

Okay, by now you're probably asking what you can do to help customer service people right? No you're not because you're too stupid to think ahead aren't you? So let me tell you how to help us, you morons.

-cancel your account. If you can't understand that you have to pay for what you've charged, and you can't understand the grace period and you can't understand that you need to put the payment in an envelope with a stamp and mail it in order for us to receive it, if your company has instituted certain policies and you're too chicken to call your company and call and scream at them, cancel your card, PLEASE!

-don't shop in our stores. If you know we'll only have one or two registers working in the middle of the day, forcing you to wait in long lines, and if you know we deliberately understaff the departments forcing you to find someone in Jewelry to help you in the Garden, don't come back to the store.

-don't buy our product. If you know you'll have to deal with Tech Support in India, China or the Phillipines and you hate hearing accents or feel jobs should stay in America, buy someone else. Oh wait, most everyone has outsourced Tech Support so I guess you'll have to deal with the accents or just keep listening to that AM/FM stereo and watching that cheap black and white tv.

-don't come to our restaurants. If you want your waiter to be able to speak perfect English, don't come to our Mexican, Indian, Chinese, Thai, Ethiopian, Korean restaurants. Do us favors and stay at the steakhouses.

Do this for us and we promise not to be upset if we don't see or hear from you ever again. Really.

All of Me

A to Z Survey Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com A - Available Available B - Best Friend Debo Blue C - Crush Troy D - Dad's Name John E - Easiest Person To Talk To Debo Blue F - Favorite Band Korn G - Gummy Bears Or Worms Worms H - Hometown Pasco I - Instrument Finger-snap J - Job Marketing K - Kids None L - Longest Car Ride Pasco to San Diego M - Milk Flavor Chocolate N - Number Of Siblings 1 O - One Wish To retire rich and be able to enjoy it P - Phobias None Q - Favorite Quote Get the f@#! out of my face! R - Reason To Smile I got the last punch S - Song You Last Heard Jingle Bell rock T - Time You Woke Up 5:45 U - Unknown Fact About Me I\'m getting antsy V - Vegetable What\'s that? W - Worst Habits Road rage X - X-Rays You've Had None Y - Your Favorite Food Steak Z - Zodiac Sign Sagittarius Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com

Hey, I'm Gonna Live A Long Time!

How Will I Die Quiz You will die at the age of 112 You will die by drowning in your own body sweat Find out how you will die at Quizopolis.com

Yeah, right.

Past Life Quiz In Your Past Life You Were An Evil Henchman Find out your past life at Quizopolis.com

How Did You Get a License to Drive?

There is absolutely nothing I hate more than you people who don't know how to drive, you that drive like maniacs, you who act as if the road belongs to you and you should have the right of way anytime you're on the road.

Some of you morons get on the road and just drive like you bought the road, had it paved with your money and as an act of courtesy are allowing others to drive on it as long as we realize it's YOUR road and we have to be off of it when it's YOUR turn to drive. You absolutely make me sick!

Tailgaters-Whenever I'm driving the freeway in the right hand lane-the lane designed for slower traffic, you swoop behind me on my tail closer than the thong underwear I have on. Tailgating sir or madam, makes me think I'm supposed to slow down. Maybe you're on my tail so close to warn me of a highway patrol car behind me. Anyway, when you get all up on me, clown, I get off the gas and just start coasting. And if you hit me? I'm falling on the ground, holding my neck and my back and delcaring myself too injured to do anything but call a lawyer.

Errant Lane Changers-Look Bozo, your swerving out from behind then swerving in front of me just to get slowed down doesn't make for a sign of great intelligence does it? It's often humourous to see you keep changing lanes and still end up behind me because each lane you change over to slows down the moment you get in it. You think the rest of the drivers aren't laughing at you too? Dummy.

Slow Pokes in the Left Lane-You're a moron. 'Nuff said.

Drunk Drivers-Not only should you be imprisoned for each point you're over on the alcohol test, you should also never be allowed to drive w/o a alcohol tester on your car, your cell phone and before locking your home door to leave. As a matter of fact you should be forced to blow into a machine three times a day. That should teach you to drink and kill someone. Lowlife, skin rash infected wild dog, toilet scum eating cockroaches(This includes all you crackheads and meth heads who drive will high).

Red-light Runners-The red light means it's your time to stop and allow other drivers to cross the intersection. It does not mean you should gun your engine to barrel through the intersection, forcing everyone else to wait for you. What if your 1st cousin is also coming through the light? Wouldn't it be a shame if you two collided? Well, you know, that might be a good thing! Two less of you on the road-that's sounding pretty good right now.

I can't wait to hear the comments from this entry. Remember when I told you that I had attended a funeral and the attendees had gotten on my last nerve? Well, I heard from a guy who says he works for a mortician and wanted me to list his job as a customer service job that also gets no respect. Huh? Be serious. Well, I heard some more from him and decided to list some of the grievances employees of morticians have to endure from clients.

1. 
   
   Why is it the funeral home's fault the body looks dead? The body is dead and has been decaying since we received authorization to pick up the body. This is especially true if the person was sick a very long time, or had an injury to the face that requires special makeup effects to hide said injury. A dead person, unless buried within 24-48 hours after death will NOT have rosey cheeks.


2. 
   
   It is a requirement that all bodies wear underwear whether the deceased wore underwear when they lived. This is getting too weird.


3. 
   
   When shipping the body to another state, it's not our responsibility when it gets lost. The shipping company is responsible. And just like sending packages, it's important that you keep the tracking information we give you.


4. 
   
   No matter how calm we appear, most morticians are humans with feelings. Preparing bodies of young children, groups of families and mothers cradling their young babies is still very hard on even the most tenured mortician.


5. 
   
   Why do families fight about who gets to ride in the limosines? Funeral homes usually provide one limo but large families should consider renting another limo, especially if there will be a catfight on the way to the graveside about who rides and who takes the bus.

Something else he told me that had to be highlighted: funeral home employees get a lot of action. Probably because emotions are running high amongst the families involved and they are seen as being a shoulder to cry on. Many, not all, employees take advantage of this sensitive time to be more than a shoulder. Lock up your daughters!

There you have it, another group of customer service employees working for the public and being abused.

Still Another Personality Test

You are Temperance

Time. Ages. Transformation. Involuntary change

Temperance is another card of aspiration, but also of much change. It often
represents complex situations. Positively, you can harmonize contrary
forces.

Temperance is, on a surface level, about "tempering." The original pouring from cup to cup might have been about cutting wine with water. So this is a card about moderation. There is, however, another angle to the card, that of merging seemingly impossible opposites. Sagittarius, the centaur, merges beast and man into a unique creature. And then there is the bow and arrow, one moving, one stationary, working together to point the way. Temperance may be, at first glance, a warning for you to "temper" your behavior, to cut your wine with water. But it may also be a reminder to that seemingly irreconcilable opposites may not be irreconcilable at all. Belief that fiery red and watery blue cannot be merged may be the only thing standing in the way of blending the two. Change the belief, measure out each with care, and you can create otherworldly violet.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.