Seriously, You're Really This Stupid?

Caller calls into the call center wanting to see if he's been billed for a charge. He has the charge receipt but the merchant's name is illegible because of a big oil/grease spot that's soaked the receipt. He wants us to give him the name of the merchant.

No problem, right? Wrong. The merchant's not sent us the charge yet so we know nothing. As far as we know the charge could have been made on any card. So we probe Jeb if he can remember making the purchase in that amount on that day. No and he demands to know the name of the merchant because now it's OUR fault the merchant's not sent the charge in.

We try to patiently explain that we can't see what we don't have but he's not listening and he's not comprehending what we're saying. I think we're using too many big words like "understand" "frustration" "time frame".

What we should have been saying is, "Listen Jeb, get your redneck out of those Wranglers and understand that we don't have the charge. Go back to the Walmart that you shop so frequently and see if they have it. Or better yet, take that receipt, fold it lengthwise and shove it up your a$$!"

To Jeb's dismay, we can't give him what he needs so he proceeds to threaten to not pay his full bill until we can tell him what the charge is! Are you really this stupid? What do you do at your company Jeb? VP? CEO? Gotta be 'cause we don't know anyone this stupid w/a job like ours.

Finally he escalates to our TL who uses her mute button to mimic him and make fun of him. I can just picture him turning all red in the face, veins protruding from his neck 'cause he's screaming into his cheap, Cricket phone and my supe's over there singing Country music.

He never did get the name of the merchant but we found out we all love Big & Rich!