Please Don't Fund Your Affair With Your Credit Card

I saw the news the other day that in the U.S. there are less married people than non-married. The article also spoke about the divorce rate that keeps rising. While reading the article my mind went back to the time a very upset lady called into the call center after discovering charges on her husband's acct.

The lady, let's call her Wivey called trying to reconcile her husband's account and noticed several charges to Ann Taylor and other upscale women's clothing stores. She called in to the call center and started asking -innocently enough- about other month's charges. Silly me, not knowing I was helping to prepare an early withdrawal from her adulterous marriage, started running through charge after charge. I happily told her about the $600 total from Ann Taylor, $400 from a local hotel, the numerous restaurant expenses, jewelry store charges, even shoe stores. And you know what? I never caught on that something was wrong until she asked me to list the airline charges. Airline charges? There were no airline charges.

Coolly Wivey informed me that her husband had been out of town during most of the dates of the charges so she assumed he had flown out of town for business meetings, especially she had helped him pack and had dropped him off at the airport. Seems Mr. Wivey was kissing hsi wife goodbye on one side of the airport then walking to the other side and climbed into a car with his little slut/concubine/whore.

Now by this time I started thinking I'd better start watching what additional information I was giving wivey because she was too cool. But it was too late, boyfriend had been had! I told wivey I couldn't find anymore charges and that the system was down so she'd have to callback. Wivey was too smart for that. She could hear a backpedal from two thousand miles and over the phone. "Then let me talk with your supervisor. Maybe she'll have more information for me." Now, I knew Supe was going to slam me against the wall after hearing what I'd done but what could I do? So I transferred the call to Supe who politely told wivey that I had given priviledged information on her husband's account and because she wasn't on the account she wouldn't get any more information.

Wivey wasn't taking this though. She informed Supe she (Wivey) had been using the card on and off for five years, the duration of their rapidly sinking marriage and over that time she had called before and gotten information on the account. Supe, knowing what was up, repeated again that she wouldn't release any additional information to her and to ask Mr. Wivey to call. After she hung up, Supe politely told me to shut my trap about account information if I'm not speaking to someone on the account. She didn't have to worry, I never did.

So, the moral of the story: if you're cheating on your spouse or partner, please don't use your credit card to pay for the affair. Don't you realize how easy it is to subpoena credit card records, dummy? Better yet, DON'T CHEAT!