Be A Good Customer and Please Leave!

My friend tells me about some great sites that she reads (she needs a life, seriously) and sometimes I like them, most times I don't. She turned me onto this one who also works for the public and was doing a public service announcement to stupid customers everywhere on how and to whom to complain about service.

This guy Meloncutter says he works in produce at a supermarket and he tells the story about a customer who gets so upset about waiting in long lines at the supermarket that she goes upside some dude's head w/a bag of potatoes.

See? This crap is what I'm talking about. You stupid people complain and holler at everybody because your asses are late or tired or having bad days then think you can just treat employees any kind of way because you're the customer and you're always right. No! You don't have that right. You don't have the right to grab us, curse and scream obscenities at us just because you want to buy potatoes.

I hope that store worker files assault charges against that lady's sorry ass. That will teach each of you to watch how you're acting.

In my previous life on the phones I was glad my company didn't force us to listen to you idiots who wanted to spew garbage upon garbage at us. We were given the right to put your sorry, ignorant, in-bred asses on hold and find a supervisor who would hang up on you if you tried that crap with him or her.

I can't count the number of times my supervisor would hang up on you dummies. I remember times when one of you called and wanted to speak to her manager and you refused to hang up until you could speak to that manager. My supervisor would just ask for a number for her boss to call and if you didn't give her one she'd just hang up on you.

I remember another time her boss hung up on you because one of us called you by a Jewish name and you got all upset that you threatened to sue us for slander and making racist statements. Because someone called you by another name? How goofy are you people? No wonder America is losing its lead in the world, it's filled w/so many of the laziest, craziest idiots we can't help but lose our dominance.

I can't tell you the number of times you so-called business people would call and complain and get crazy because your company put limits on the account. So you're mad because your company won't let you buy that $12k bracelet and instead of you calling your company and complaining, you sit on your damed stupid ass and call us screaming 'til you're blue in the face, you putrid slices of rotten meat.

Okay, by now you're probably asking what you can do to help customer service people right? No you're not because you're too stupid to think ahead aren't you? So let me tell you how to help us, you morons.

-cancel your account. If you can't understand that you have to pay for what you've charged, and you can't understand the grace period and you can't understand that you need to put the payment in an envelope with a stamp and mail it in order for us to receive it, if your company has instituted certain policies and you're too chicken to call your company and call and scream at them, cancel your card, PLEASE!

-don't shop in our stores. If you know we'll only have one or two registers working in the middle of the day, forcing you to wait in long lines, and if you know we deliberately understaff the departments forcing you to find someone in Jewelry to help you in the Garden, don't come back to the store.

-don't buy our product. If you know you'll have to deal with Tech Support in India, China or the Phillipines and you hate hearing accents or feel jobs should stay in America, buy someone else. Oh wait, most everyone has outsourced Tech Support so I guess you'll have to deal with the accents or just keep listening to that AM/FM stereo and watching that cheap black and white tv.

-don't come to our restaurants. If you want your waiter to be able to speak perfect English, don't come to our Mexican, Indian, Chinese, Thai, Ethiopian, Korean restaurants. Do us favors and stay at the steakhouses.

Do this for us and we promise not to be upset if we don't see or hear from you ever again. Really.

All of Me

A to Z Survey Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com A - Available Available B - Best Friend Debo Blue C - Crush Troy D - Dad's Name John E - Easiest Person To Talk To Debo Blue F - Favorite Band Korn G - Gummy Bears Or Worms Worms H - Hometown Pasco I - Instrument Finger-snap J - Job Marketing K - Kids None L - Longest Car Ride Pasco to San Diego M - Milk Flavor Chocolate N - Number Of Siblings 1 O - One Wish To retire rich and be able to enjoy it P - Phobias None Q - Favorite Quote Get the f@#! out of my face! R - Reason To Smile I got the last punch S - Song You Last Heard Jingle Bell rock T - Time You Woke Up 5:45 U - Unknown Fact About Me I\'m getting antsy V - Vegetable What\'s that? W - Worst Habits Road rage X - X-Rays You've Had None Y - Your Favorite Food Steak Z - Zodiac Sign Sagittarius Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com

Hey, I'm Gonna Live A Long Time!

How Will I Die Quiz You will die at the age of 112 You will die by drowning in your own body sweat Find out how you will die at Quizopolis.com

Yeah, right.

Past Life Quiz In Your Past Life You Were An Evil Henchman Find out your past life at Quizopolis.com

How Did You Get a License to Drive?

There is absolutely nothing I hate more than you people who don't know how to drive, you that drive like maniacs, you who act as if the road belongs to you and you should have the right of way anytime you're on the road.

Some of you morons get on the road and just drive like you bought the road, had it paved with your money and as an act of courtesy are allowing others to drive on it as long as we realize it's YOUR road and we have to be off of it when it's YOUR turn to drive. You absolutely make me sick!

Tailgaters-Whenever I'm driving the freeway in the right hand lane-the lane designed for slower traffic, you swoop behind me on my tail closer than the thong underwear I have on. Tailgating sir or madam, makes me think I'm supposed to slow down. Maybe you're on my tail so close to warn me of a highway patrol car behind me. Anyway, when you get all up on me, clown, I get off the gas and just start coasting. And if you hit me? I'm falling on the ground, holding my neck and my back and delcaring myself too injured to do anything but call a lawyer.

Errant Lane Changers-Look Bozo, your swerving out from behind then swerving in front of me just to get slowed down doesn't make for a sign of great intelligence does it? It's often humourous to see you keep changing lanes and still end up behind me because each lane you change over to slows down the moment you get in it. You think the rest of the drivers aren't laughing at you too? Dummy.

Slow Pokes in the Left Lane-You're a moron. 'Nuff said.

Drunk Drivers-Not only should you be imprisoned for each point you're over on the alcohol test, you should also never be allowed to drive w/o a alcohol tester on your car, your cell phone and before locking your home door to leave. As a matter of fact you should be forced to blow into a machine three times a day. That should teach you to drink and kill someone. Lowlife, skin rash infected wild dog, toilet scum eating cockroaches(This includes all you crackheads and meth heads who drive will high).

Red-light Runners-The red light means it's your time to stop and allow other drivers to cross the intersection. It does not mean you should gun your engine to barrel through the intersection, forcing everyone else to wait for you. What if your 1st cousin is also coming through the light? Wouldn't it be a shame if you two collided? Well, you know, that might be a good thing! Two less of you on the road-that's sounding pretty good right now.

I can't wait to hear the comments from this entry. Remember when I told you that I had attended a funeral and the attendees had gotten on my last nerve? Well, I heard from a guy who says he works for a mortician and wanted me to list his job as a customer service job that also gets no respect. Huh? Be serious. Well, I heard some more from him and decided to list some of the grievances employees of morticians have to endure from clients.

1. 
   
   Why is it the funeral home's fault the body looks dead? The body is dead and has been decaying since we received authorization to pick up the body. This is especially true if the person was sick a very long time, or had an injury to the face that requires special makeup effects to hide said injury. A dead person, unless buried within 24-48 hours after death will NOT have rosey cheeks.


2. 
   
   It is a requirement that all bodies wear underwear whether the deceased wore underwear when they lived. This is getting too weird.


3. 
   
   When shipping the body to another state, it's not our responsibility when it gets lost. The shipping company is responsible. And just like sending packages, it's important that you keep the tracking information we give you.


4. 
   
   No matter how calm we appear, most morticians are humans with feelings. Preparing bodies of young children, groups of families and mothers cradling their young babies is still very hard on even the most tenured mortician.


5. 
   
   Why do families fight about who gets to ride in the limosines? Funeral homes usually provide one limo but large families should consider renting another limo, especially if there will be a catfight on the way to the graveside about who rides and who takes the bus.

Something else he told me that had to be highlighted: funeral home employees get a lot of action. Probably because emotions are running high amongst the families involved and they are seen as being a shoulder to cry on. Many, not all, employees take advantage of this sensitive time to be more than a shoulder. Lock up your daughters!

There you have it, another group of customer service employees working for the public and being abused.

Still Another Personality Test

You are Temperance

Time. Ages. Transformation. Involuntary change

Temperance is another card of aspiration, but also of much change. It often
represents complex situations. Positively, you can harmonize contrary
forces.

Temperance is, on a surface level, about "tempering." The original pouring from cup to cup might have been about cutting wine with water. So this is a card about moderation. There is, however, another angle to the card, that of merging seemingly impossible opposites. Sagittarius, the centaur, merges beast and man into a unique creature. And then there is the bow and arrow, one moving, one stationary, working together to point the way. Temperance may be, at first glance, a warning for you to "temper" your behavior, to cut your wine with water. But it may also be a reminder to that seemingly irreconcilable opposites may not be irreconcilable at all. Belief that fiery red and watery blue cannot be merged may be the only thing standing in the way of blending the two. Change the belief, measure out each with care, and you can create otherworldly violet.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Whatever!

You Are 64% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

You Are An Invisible Ex

You're so over your ex, you hardly even remember you have an ex You prefer leave all of the baggage behind you - far, far behind As they say, indifference is the opposite of love!

What Type of Ex Are You?

The Truth and Nothing But...

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

My Personality Test

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

One Of My Favorite Colors!

You Are Grape

You are bold and a true individual. You are very different and very okay with that. People know you as a straight shooter. You're very honest, even when the truth hurts. You are also very grounded and practical. No one is going to sneak anything by you. People enjoy your fresh approach to life. And it's this honesty that makes you a very innovative person.

What Color Purple Are You?

Tis The Season To Be Jolly-Not So Fast

Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la! Everyone's singing this stupid song except sales people, supermarket workers, call center employees and airport security personnel. Why is Christmas time so hard on these type of folk? It's really quite simple--working for the public SUCKS!!

As a courtesy to my pals in EVERY aspect of working for the public, I've created a short list that if followed correctly will prevent you

a) from making a complete and total ass of yourself in public

b) from causing delays in the checkout because you demand to speak to a supervisor right then, instead of leaving and calling on your cell phone and privately whining, wheedling and begging the company to increase your limit

c) from being the example of the worst customer in history

Please print this and keep close to ensure your success (yeah, right).

1. Call you credit card company BEFORE you attempt to use it in a public store to make sure the account can be used. Because this is the most important step, we will make it steps 1-5 because I'm sure no matter how many times it's listed you'll still forget to do this because it's your destiny to be a horse's ass to everyone involved.

2. Don't send your kids to the mall with your cards. If he/she gets caught trying to use it, he/she can be arrested for fraud. Believe me, credit card companies are getting tough w/you stingy parents who won't get your children their own cards.

3. Be courteous when parking. If you don't have an handicapped placard, don't park in the handicapped spaces. Being mentally deranged doesn't make you an honorary member either, Rush Limbaugh.

4. Don't want to get that pretty new car banged or dinged by someone who's parked too close? Then leave the car at home and take the bus to the mall. Don't take up two spaces just to have more room to open the door. Trust, this can make people very angry and may cause them to do things to your car because you've parked like this.

5. Watch your bad, undisciplined children in the mall. It is not mall security's job to monitor your children, it's YOURS! If you can't manage your kids leave them home and shop online. I can see you now, "Officer, my son Tommy's gone. I just turned my back for a minute and he slipped away." Surveillance cameras will show you were in the shoe section ten minutes before missing Tommy who's still in the jewelry section waiting for you. Watch those kids!

6. Stores are not in-house playgrounds. Your children jumping up and down on displays, running up the down escalator, opening packages and toys, mowing down other shoppers with your shopping cart is too much. You know those kids need Ritalin, so give them their medication before hitting the malls.

7. Sales clerks, especially those hired as holidy help don't know the geographical and political makeup of the country who made that blouse. It says China, look it up when you get home. Don't ask the sales people stupid questions! Read up on the product before shopping.

8. Do you really have to unfold all of those blouses to see what they look like? The blouse comes in eight colors and is made the same. Why then do you have to unfold each of them? Unfold ONE then choose the color, cottonball. There are sales people who have to refold those same blouses after you leave without buying one!

9. See a coveted item advertised in the paper? Call your local store, ask if it's in stock. If yes, get the name of the person who gave the info then go pick it up. If, when you get there the item's out of stock, politely ask the manager and tell him/her who gave you the information. Standing at the front of the store bellowing like a cow in birth, threatening to sue etc. won't get you anything but dirty and humorous looks from the other patrons. Take a raincheck and be grateful.

10. Now take your items, your bad kids, put them in your poorly parked vehicle and go home until next Christmas when we will have found other jobs that don't work w/the public.

A Conversation w/a Friend

ME: "Hey girl, what's up?"

FRIEND: "Girl, nothing. How are you?"

"Pretty good, working like an indentured servant. How come I haven't seen you?"

"I've been working these 12 hour days and then hitting the books 'til 3 in the morning. I work longer than my daddy did when he was picking cotton!"

"Yeah? I left you a couple of messages and left one at your desk. You got them, right?

"Yep I did, and I answered one of them, remember?"

"Yeah. I just thought we were going to get together to talk about that blog stuff. I know you're upset about it."

"Now how did you know that? Have I spoken about it to you?"

"No but I read your comments and stuff plus you're not answering my calls and stuff all of a sudden, so we need to get this done."

"Well, here we are, let's do it. What do you want to talk about?"

"First, why you get upset about my perspective but I'm not supposed to react when YOU tell the world I'm some kind of atheist slut."

"Sicka, I never called you an atheist or a slut and you know it! You called me great big liar scared to see a movie! Why wouldn't I be swoll up?"

"Why did you have to do a whole story on me? I'm not a pathetic person who needs YOU to grasp from the street corner. You didn't have to do all that."

"Okay, I'm sorry I offended you, Sicka. I'm sorry I even told you about the blog thing and got you involved. Most of all I'm sorry you involved David. What's wrong w/you?"

"We talk about David's choice of women all the time..."

"We talk, Sicka. You and me. You should have told me my blog was so disrespectful to you. I'm going to delete it so we won't have to worry about it anymore."

"Don't delete it. It's history now besides, do you want me to delete mine?"

"Don't care one way or the other. Do whatever you want, it's your blog. Maybe if I weren't such a big, fat, smiling coward I'd make you delete it."

A few minutes of silence. I'm biting my lip, playing w/my hair. Friend's folding and unfolding her arms. Both determining the next step.

ME: "Well, I am sorry about you being upset about the blog. I wasn't trying to be such a bitch."

FR: "We're both sorry so let's agree not to do any other blogs about each other. As a matter of fact, let's agree not to mention each other just in case there are more failures to communicate."

Damn! Why does she always get the best lines?

ME: "Yep."

More silence. I've now moved on to my nails. Friend's moved on to hers too. That's a good sign, at least we're in sync.

FR: "You know you're the only one I've ever told about my blog."

ME: "I haven't told anyone either. Are you kidding me? All these big mouths around here?"

"Yep."

"What are you doing tonight?"

"It's Thursday so I'm in school. Last class though. Next week's the final then a break 'til January."

"Oh yeah. That's right. Why are the flags flying at half-mast? Somebody die?"

"No, it's December 7th, the Pearl Harbour anniversary. I think it's like the 65th or 66th anniversary."

"Oh yeah, and here we are right back in war. How many did we lose in that war?"

"I'm not sure but we're not in a world war this time."

"Yeah but American soldiers are still dying."

"Yep, they're still dying. Saw you got into a bit of scuffle w/Afronerd. Why are you starting wars?"

"Hey, he invites people to leave their opinions. I left him mine. He's a confused loser."

"He's a blogger w/his own opinion. Don't like it, don't visit it. That's what you always say when you're deleting comments you don't like"

"Speaking of which, I got a comment from Song of a Warrior defending you and sh--. I deleted that one too."

"Sicka, don't be a menace to the blogging community. Leave folks alone."

"Hold on, she came on MY site, bumping her gums and stuff. At least her comment was short. I'm surprised considering the chapters she writes on her site. Talk about needing a life!"

"Sicka..."

"Whatever. So, wanna go pick something up at Starbuck's before you go or are you leaving now?"

"Naw, I got time. We can go to Starbuck's. I haven't been there in a while and I'm ready for a macchiato w/mint."

"Mint? Yuck! They've got that mint mocha hot chocolate stuff you liked last year."

"Yeah? Sweet! You buying, right?"

"Girl!"

"Look, I ain't go no cash on me and besides, you started all this drama so you should be buying me something. And that little note about me having to talk to you to get a Christmas present. What's up w/that?"

"Let the records show YOU started this w/your first blog so technically you should be buying me a little some'n, some'n."

"Here, carry some of this stuff for me. I'll review some of tonight's notes over there."

"Hey, let's do a dual blog to let everyone know we've kissed and made up."

"Sicka, them folks don't care nothing about us making up. Oh, did you read Bob's letter to fighting friends? He was talking 'bout us."

"I like Bob, he's the best one of all."

"Gee, I wonder why."

"Whatever".