Tis The Season To Be Jolly-Not So Fast

Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la la la la la! Everyone's singing this stupid song except sales people, supermarket workers, call center employees and airport security personnel. Why is Christmas time so hard on these type of folk? It's really quite simple--working for the public SUCKS!!

As a courtesy to my pals in EVERY aspect of working for the public, I've created a short list that if followed correctly will prevent you

a) from making a complete and total ass of yourself in public

b) from causing delays in the checkout because you demand to speak to a supervisor right then, instead of leaving and calling on your cell phone and privately whining, wheedling and begging the company to increase your limit

c) from being the example of the worst customer in history

Please print this and keep close to ensure your success (yeah, right).

1. Call you credit card company BEFORE you attempt to use it in a public store to make sure the account can be used. Because this is the most important step, we will make it steps 1-5 because I'm sure no matter how many times it's listed you'll still forget to do this because it's your destiny to be a horse's ass to everyone involved.

2. Don't send your kids to the mall with your cards. If he/she gets caught trying to use it, he/she can be arrested for fraud. Believe me, credit card companies are getting tough w/you stingy parents who won't get your children their own cards.

3. Be courteous when parking. If you don't have an handicapped placard, don't park in the handicapped spaces. Being mentally deranged doesn't make you an honorary member either, Rush Limbaugh.

4. Don't want to get that pretty new car banged or dinged by someone who's parked too close? Then leave the car at home and take the bus to the mall. Don't take up two spaces just to have more room to open the door. Trust, this can make people very angry and may cause them to do things to your car because you've parked like this.

5. Watch your bad, undisciplined children in the mall. It is not mall security's job to monitor your children, it's YOURS! If you can't manage your kids leave them home and shop online. I can see you now, "Officer, my son Tommy's gone. I just turned my back for a minute and he slipped away." Surveillance cameras will show you were in the shoe section ten minutes before missing Tommy who's still in the jewelry section waiting for you. Watch those kids!

6. Stores are not in-house playgrounds. Your children jumping up and down on displays, running up the down escalator, opening packages and toys, mowing down other shoppers with your shopping cart is too much. You know those kids need Ritalin, so give them their medication before hitting the malls.

7. Sales clerks, especially those hired as holidy help don't know the geographical and political makeup of the country who made that blouse. It says China, look it up when you get home. Don't ask the sales people stupid questions! Read up on the product before shopping.

8. Do you really have to unfold all of those blouses to see what they look like? The blouse comes in eight colors and is made the same. Why then do you have to unfold each of them? Unfold ONE then choose the color, cottonball. There are sales people who have to refold those same blouses after you leave without buying one!

9. See a coveted item advertised in the paper? Call your local store, ask if it's in stock. If yes, get the name of the person who gave the info then go pick it up. If, when you get there the item's out of stock, politely ask the manager and tell him/her who gave you the information. Standing at the front of the store bellowing like a cow in birth, threatening to sue etc. won't get you anything but dirty and humorous looks from the other patrons. Take a raincheck and be grateful.

10. Now take your items, your bad kids, put them in your poorly parked vehicle and go home until next Christmas when we will have found other jobs that don't work w/the public.