Do You REALLY Want My Answer?

The other day I was waiting in line to pay for something (see why I don't have any money? I'm always out shopping) and the lady in front of me was being declined by her credit card company. She asked the clerk to run the card through again and it came up declined so the clerk (patient lass that she was) called the card company to see what was the problem. I saw the clerk give the phone to the lady who (of course) was talking loud and threatening the person on the other end to do all this and that while this lady's friend is telling the clerk and everyone behind her that her friend had immaculate credit and this was all a mistake. Lady we don't care anything about you or your friend except she's freakin making us all wait!

Finally I hear the lady (let's call her Screech) scream out, "Well go ahead and cancel this card. I'll never use your company again!" Then she stops and screeches out, "Let me talk to your supervisor!" I shift my items to my other hand and start enjoying the show because I've been there soooooo many times. Now I get to see the other side. While the Screech is waiting, another clerk comes up and begins helping the other customers on her register but I keep my place in line 'cause I'm really having fun. Screech turns and looks at me and I give her the biggest "You're a loser, give it up" look so she rolls her eyes and turns away.

When the supervisor gets on the line Screech immediately begins with the stuff you idiots do, threats, sue, the usual. Suddenly she says, "No don't cancel the card now. I'm gonna call from home and cancel it then. I'm also going to call the president of your company and tell him about the poor treatment you've given me!" Somewhere I know the supervisor's releasing the call and going on with the important items on her plate, this customer on the fast track of being forgotten.

Here's my question: why do you people ask call center employees whether you should cancel your accounts? Do you really, really, really think we give one eyelash whether you close your account? Let me help all you people who don't live in reality---unless your last name is Gates, Clinton, Letterman, Leno, Winfrey, Ballmer, Jung, Stewart (Jon and Martha), Walton, Ellison or Buffett we don't care!

When I was on the phones you losers would ask me, "Should I cut up this card right now or are you going to credit my account that delinquency fee?" "Do you want to explain to your supervisor that I canceled my account because YOU wouldn't help me?" Ninety-nine times out of 100 I answered "Yes, you should cut up the card because the fee remains." or "I will explain to my supervisor that I denied your request to credit your delinquency fee because your wife lost the mail."

To the best of my knowledge I have NEVER begged someone to keep their account open. Why should I? If you cancel we don't have to worry about you calling again next month, stupid! If you cancel we don't have to hear you gripe and complain about poor treatment because you don't pay your account on time. Please! Cancel the da**n account and go bother some other company!

I remember one funny call where we lowered this schmuck's line of credit and he called and threatened to cancel the account if we didn't raise his limit back to the original amount. C'mon, do you think we care that you cancel your account AFTER we've pretty much shut you down? Think about it...we've now told you we think you're a bad risk. We've officially said, "Screw you!" Go ahead and cancel doorknob!

-The moral of this story? Unless you're running more than $10k a month on your account, asking our opinions of your cancelling the account will be a resounding "Hell yes!" You heard it here first.