I Think, Therefore You're An Idiot!

During my long life as a call center employee answering your questions and everyday realizing I'm SO much more intelligent than most of you, I realized how similar your whines and complaints were.

-

Sometimes, I knew what you were needing one minute after hearing your sniffling, nasally hour long introduction/complaint. Like I said, most of you were just plain stupid, others of you knew your stuff. Unfortunately your calls were far and few between. Thus, my little phone rep life subsisted on my having to artfully put you in your place, or send get my supervisor.

-

Most of the time when I'd escalate to my leader it was because I had told you that you wouldn't get everything you wanted and you had to complain about my 'rudeness', 'nastiness' and 'unwillingess to help.' Granted sometimes I was rude, nasty and unwilling to kiss your a--, that doesn't mean you had to escalate, especially when my leader would back me up.

-

Anywho, I can remember one call I had to give to my leader because the person accused me of not being able to problem-solve. Problem solve? Let's review some of the reasons you called and you can decide why you think I'm unable to problem-solve and why I KNOW you're an idiot:

1) Who's unable to reconcile his account, you or me? I've completely and competently explained that you haven't paid your bill on time and have left a remaining balance that's continuing to age. Is it my fault you're completely unable to understand that you have to PAY to prevent the account from aging!? It's simple addition and subtraction--if you charge, you have to pay to erase the balance. How much problem-solving is needed to understand that?

2) Who orders merchandise online then refuses to pay because we don't have a signature? Anyone over six years old understands that a signature is not required to make online purchases. One of you schmucks actually called and refused to pay a Priceline.com charge because you never signed a receipt! Get real!! You know you ordered that cheap ticket that would send you to five different hubs before landing you in the middle of Pittsburgh. Liar!

3) Who still can't understand the payment due date? You're told the due date on the recording when you call, the rep gives you the due date and it's printed on your statement. Why then do you still say you can't understand the balance's due date? Is that too difficult to solve?

4) Is it too difficult to understand that there are some cases where a credit card company will not be able to get your money back, especially if you ran up purchases at the nudie bar? I would love to have gotten this call from the guy who charged up $241k on his card at a nudie bar then claimed fraud. I bet the rep who got that call was a problem-solver. Too bad the CEO didn't solve for when his expense account would be broadcasted around the country.

5) Are phone reps to blame that you're not 'net savvy? Nowadays you can find account information on the web but still there are those of you who can't figure out (solve) how to enroll on the website, choose a userid and password and view all your charges. You can even PRINT statements now to file expense reports. Most card companies have very user-friendly websites but many of you don't appeciate it. So you call customer service and take up fifteen minutes of our lives reading your charges, then you complain if the rep has an accent or couldn't "problem-solve". If call centers could get just half of you complainers and whiners to see the Internet for the problem solver it is, the people who really need our assistance won't have to hold while we solve your problems. But hey, what price job security?

-

Problem-solve for this......losers.