I Really Hate Traveling with You People!

I've got to determine how to get rich enough to afford my own private jet or find a company that won't send me traveling during the busiest week in the world! While I was out I was:

>Spit on by babies sitting next to me in airplanes. Lady, your baby is cute, no doubt. But I'm on my way to a meeting and having to clean off Vanilla Wafers is not my idea of looking professional. Put a muzzle on that little darling or let someone else hold her.

>Slept on by other passengers. How is it possible you don't feel your big, oily head hitting my well-pressed silk sleeve? Yeah I did jerk my arm away causing you to wake and scowl at me. Be glad you didn't say anything smart moron because I was going to go off!

>Had to wait behind you dumb sheep in line for thirty minutes to pass Checkout and you weren't ready when you got to the counter. How stupid are you that you wait in line 30 minutes knowing you need your boarding pass and ID but you still get up to the counter looking for that stuff? AAaarrghhh!!

>Forced to feel embarrassed because you with the portable DVD player didn't respect the man of God enough to shut down your soft porn movie. Do you really think it's respectful to play your porn show seated next to that preacher and his wife? What if the plane were crashing? Who you gonna call, Jenna Jameson or God? And do you REALLY think He'll answer you when you won't turn off porn? Somebody help me!

>Almost yelling at the flight attendant. Sorry hon but why would you seat me in row 10G but want me to put my carry on at the tail of the plane? You're right, you will wiggle back down there and get if for me when the flight's over, sweetie.

>Crammed into a little rental car because my company feels it's okay to send me to a new city driving a Ford Focus. Why in the he-- would I want to drive a carnival ride a whole week? Why don't you make our illustrious CEO and his minions drive these little death traps for a week and see how well they like it?

>In a foul mood most of the trip because I could have gone to eat w/my family (big thrills, that) or flown to Vegas to be w/a friend and her family. No, I get to sit in some stinky lounge and watch football while eating tepid clam chowder soup and frozen turkey breast dinner.

To be fair, my company wasn't going to send me out of town but the rep who usually handles the account was hospitalized and I had to replace him at the last minute.

I just hate traveling with the public because everyone's complaining, trying to get ahead of the pack, ill-tempered, impolite, dirty (have you seen public restrooms???), impatient and just downright stupid. That's all right though 'cause until I don't have to travel publicly anymore, I'm gonna be just what I need to be to get you off of me!